Best Headline Ever

No more entries please, we have a winner:

Goodbye Rudy, Tuesday

Pretty good story too:

It’s worth stepping back for a moment to recall how far and how quickly Giuliani has fallen. For most of the summer and well into the fall, he was the Republican frontrunner. His campaign consisted of a hagiography: the hero of 9/11. His fundraising was strong. Now the campaign is all but broke and he’s getting his clock cleaned in some states by Ron Paul – Ron Paul! – the 97-pound libertarian who thinks the war on terror is bogus...
More broadly, you can summarize Giuliani’s problems in the line he no longer uses. When the World Trade Center towers came down, he turned to his loyal sidekick Bernie Kerik, and said he was glad George Bush was president. Now, that line is a triple loser. Kerik, his police commissioner, is under federal indictment, in a sea of troubles. Bush is despised by two-thirds of Americans, and even a majority of Republicans want to go in a different direction. As for the big scare, give Senator Joe Biden credit for writing what may be Giuliani’s obit: “There are only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb and 9/11.”
...Yet Giuliani still wants to frighten people into voting for him. Maybe that’s why he hired the gothic-faced actor Jon Voight to stump for him in Florida. What, christopher Walken wasn’t available?

Too bad he's out, material like this is hard to come by. Oh well, I guess there's still... every other Republican candidate and the current Bush administration.

Thompson's Out

Funniest line I read about that all day is that Rudy can now brag that he's surging, finishing 5th in all the future primaries instead of 6th. Forgot where I read it though.

Update on Predictions

It's all coming together:

To wit, numbers from his native New York today. McCain leads Rudy 36-24. A month ago, Rudy was up over McCain 48-15. If he can't hold a lead in New York after taking so many early hits, where can he?

Get ready for some more embarrassing 9/11 references between now and early February as Rudy finishes surrendering all of his self respect and preempts all attempts at parody, but after then our balconies should be safe. Ciao il bambino Mussolini.

Interesting Rudy POV

Haven't had a good Rudy-bashing in a while, it seems that he's doing a good enough job of that himself these days (his 9/11 Tourette's is reaching truly amazing proportions). That said, here is an interesting take on Rudy via TPM:

The conventional wisdom on Rudy's Super Tuesday "strategy" has been universally described as "risky" and occasionally "crazy." To me this provides a direct window into his judgement and how he would govern as President and it's not a flattering picture. Is he the kind of president who would go with a high risk, high reward strategy all the time? It sure gives me pause. I'm surprised the other candidates have not used this as a way to paint Rudy as a risky or crazy choice for President. It could dovetail with some of his other judgement problems like Bernie Kerik & dealing with his ex-wives & children. Poor judgement is not just limited to Bernie Kerik. His whole election strategy suffers from poor judgement as well.

End of year time again

Yes, it's approaching, and with the end of the year comes the inevitable lists and quizzes. So far, this has been my favorite quiz. I scored an 89% (16/18). Good luck.

Hi Rudy, remember Alan?

You should. Rudy:

We knew that Rudy eventually had Judi Nathan assigned her own NYC police security detail. Now it seems that while their affair was still a secret and while Rudy was still married, he set his mistress up with her own personal driver and NYC-taxpayer funded car to get around town.

Alan:

State Comptroller Alan G. Hevesi today quit his post and pleaded guilty to a single felony charge after arranging a deal with prosecutors that will spare him prison time.
His decision to step down came as Albany prosecutors were preparing to ask a grand jury to indict him on charges of defrauding the government and on other felonies stemming from his use of state employees as chauffeurs and aides to his wife, a law enforcement official said, charges that could have yielded a prison sentence had he been convicted.

I wish I could say that this would end his campaign, but I've called more ends to his campaigns than market crashes and the continuation of both is starting to make me look silly. But this really should end his campaign.

UPDATE:

Oh well, this is why there are professionals out there:

Again, this is preliminary and we're in touch with experts on New York law. But the law that snagged Hevesi applies to state officials, not all public officials in the state of New York. So even though Rudy did something considerably more egregious we're pretty sure the law simply doesn't apply to him as a city elected official (probably a case where the diminutive nature of his office is something he's thankful for).

A Dangerous, Dangerous Man

In all seriousness, I think that Giuliani may be nuts. Here are some of his thoughts on waterboarding as torture:

It depends on how it’s done. It depends on the circumstances. It depends on who does it. I think the way it’s been defined in the media, it shouldn’t be done. The way in which they have described it, particularly in the liberal media. So I would say, if that’s the description of it, then I can agree, that it shouldn’t be done. But I have to see what the real description of it is. Because I’ve learned something being in public life as long as I have. And I hate to shock anybody with this, but the newspapers don’t always describe it accurately.

Um, what changes to the description would make it ok for you, Rudy? Only a little water? And can you please describe for us the "liberal media"? Does the "conservative media" have a different definition of waterboarding? Can we please hear that definition?

So I think America should never be for torture. America should be against torture. It violates the Geneva Convention. Certainly when we’re dealing with armed combatants, we shouldn’t get near anything like that. There is a distinction, sometimes, when you’re dealing with terrorists. You may have to use means that are a little tougher.

Um, why would you have to be tougher with a terrorist? What is it about terrorists that require them to be treated with greater toughness? Why would that greater toughness work with terrorists but not armed combatants? If it really is important to get the information, wouldn't you use the same tactics regardless of category? Why reserve your most effective (i.e. tough) methods just for terrorists?

And I see, when the Democrats are talking about torture, they’re not just talking about even this definition of waterboarding, which again, if you look at the liberal media and you look at the way they describe it, you could say it was torture and you shouldn’t do it. But they talk about sleep deprivation. I mean, on that theory, I’m getting tortured running for president of the United States. That’s plain silly. That’s silly.

This nonsense drove me crazy when Rumsfeld said it (I stand all day, why can't prisoners stand? It's not torture if I do it myself), and it drives me nuts here too. Rudy, your sleep deprivation is VOLUNTARY and, I'd be willing to bet, you are not up for 24 hours at at stretch. Plus, I'd be willing to bet that when you do sleep, you sleep in a pretty nice bed. Wait, we KNOW that you do, when you are not busy staying awake on Gulfstreams. To speak about it in the way that you do is to (purposefully) obscure what's really going on. Just as the people forced to stand for days on end eventually had their legs burst out in sores, keeping people up for days and interrupting their sleep cycles can be vicious and psychologically devastating. It makes a big difference if you can sit down when you feel like it and sleep when you feel like it.

The entire piece is worth reading simply to discover for yourselves how crazy and dangerous Giuliani is. He is a madman.

WHAT?!!?

Wow, even I never thought that this would happen. It's true, he's willing to do and say ANYTHING to get the nomination:

Sounds like a baseball flip-flop. Rudy Giuliani, a lifelong New York Yankees fan, said Tuesday he's pulling for their most hated rivals, the Boston Red Sox, to win the World Series over the Colorado Rockies. "I'm rooting for the Red Sox," the Republican presidential contender said in response to a question, sparking applause at the Boston restaurant where he was picking up a local endorsement.

Jesus, the man knows no limits.

Read the Rudy today, oh boy

If anything, Kaplan was too nice. The article, for those of you interested in reading this piece of shit, is here.

Seriously, Kaplan gives Rudy a BIG pass on some things. Here's one:

America is a nation that loves peace and hates war.

As opposed to whom? Where are the war-loving nations out there? And, for a nation that loves peace, we sure to get ourselves into a whole lot of war. And, just to be clear, I'm not anti-war, but to say that we are a nation that goes around singing "Kumbaya" all day and night is delusional. And it's particularly jarring when Rudy says it because he spends the rest of your essay describing the ass kickings he will dole out as president. But that isn't even the worst sentence in that paragraph:

At the core of all Americans is the belief that all human beings have certain inalienable rights that proceed from God but must be protected by the state.

Which is a curious thing for him to say because I really don't recall him coming out against our policy of sending people down a rathole to be tortured simply because we think they are one of the "bad guys". Oh, and by the way, I am an American and I don't happen to believe that the rights afforded to me in this country (those remaining rights anyway) proceeded from God. But hey, know what? THAT isn't even the worst sentence in that paragraph. This is:

Americans believe that to the extent that nations recognize these rights within their own laws and customs, peace with them is achievable. To the extent that they do not, violence and disorder are much more likely.

If I'm reading this correctly, and I've read it a number of times just to make sure I am, he's saying that we are going to not be at peace (although peace and America are BFF) with any country that does not respect the same inalienable God-given rights that we do. He has just declared that any liberal democracy is going to be treated as a hostile entity under a Rudy presidency. Fan-fucking-tastic!

Let's fast-forward to this little gem:

For diplomacy to succeed, the U.S. government must be united. Adversaries naturally exploit divisions.

Great, then I've got an idea, why don't you stop calling Democrats terrorist appeasers who are going to get everyone killed if they get anywhere near the White House. Because remember, unity begins at home (Mr. Third Marriage). I am so sick of the most divisive people on the planet calling on everyone to be united when it suits their purposes only to later cudgel the slobs stupid enough to go for it. Rudy is a hyper-partisan and whenever you hear him talk about unity, he's really talking about suppressing any type of dissent.

More insanity here:

Defeating the terrorists must be our principal priority in the near future, but we do not have the luxury of focusing on it to the exclusion of other goals. World events unfold whether the United States is engaged or not, and when we are not, they often unfold in ways that are against our interests. The art of managing a large enterprise is to multitask, and so U.S. foreign policy must always be multidimensional.

Claptrap! What is he talking about here? Does he really think that we should have a hand in EVERYTHING that's happening? Good luck with that.

Kaplan mentions this, but I'd like to quote it again for shits and giggles:

U.S. relations with China and Russia will remain complex for the foreseeable future. Americans have no wish to return to the tensions of the Cold War or to launch a new one. We must seek common ground without turning a blind eye to our differences with these two countries. Like America, they have a fundamental stake in the health of the international system. But too often, their governments act shortsightedly, undermining their long-term interest in international norms for the sake of near-term gains. Even as we work with these countries on economic and security issues, the U.S. government should not be silent about their unhelpful behavior or human rights abuses. Washington should also make clear that only if China and Russia move toward democracy, civil liberties, and an open and uncorrupted economy will they benefit from the vast possibilities available in the world today.

This may be one of the most arrogant and paternalistic things I've ever read from Rudy, and boy that's saying something. THEY act shortsightedly? I've got a 4-letter word for Rudy, I-R-A-Q. Some great long-term thinking there. And, to be blunt, China has been kicking our ass in strategic thinking and the judicious use of soft power lately. Lastly, as Kaplan also points out, China and Russia seem to be doing OK in the world without our help (lead paint aside).

He calls for the invasion of Cuba:

But America should take nothing for granted. It must stand ready to help the Cuban people reclaim their liberty and resist any step that allows a decrepit, corrupt regime from consolidating its power under Raúl Castro. Only a commitment to free people and free markets will bring a prosperous future to Cuba and all of Latin America.

And makes absolutely no sense about the UN:

The UN has proved irrelevant to the resolution of almost every major dispute of the last 50 years. Worse, it has failed to combat terrorism and human rights abuses. It has not lived up to the great hopes that inspired its creation. Too often, it has been weak, indecisive, and outright corrupt. The UN's charter and the speeches of its members' leaders have meant little because its members' deeds have frequently fallen short. International law and institutions exist to serve peoples and nations, but many leaders act as if the reverse were true -- that is, as if institutions, not the ends to be achieved, were the important thing. Despite the UN's flaws, however, the great objectives of humanity would become even more difficult to achieve without mechanisms for international discussion.

Got that? The UN is a worthless piece of shit taking up good real estate on the East Side, but hey, it's a worthless piece of shit working towards the "objectives of humanity". To quote Jon Stewart, "WHAAAA?"

Like I said, Kaplan let's him off the hook too often. But I guess that's my point. Everyone, anyone, could read through this piece of garbage and come up with pages and pages of nonsense without overlapping things that were previously pointed out. It's not just bad, it's breathtakingly bad. It's nauseatingly bad.

One final thought - as bad as it is, I'm also amazed at how little it says. Beyond platitudes and generalizations that is. Kaplan is right on that, Rudy doesn't say how he's going to do anything. Well, that's not entirely true, he is going to "give people a hand up rather than a handout". Hey Rudy, the 80's are calling, they have your hair and would like to trade it for their handout statement.

I really, really don't like Rudy Giuliani.

Not a good day for Rudy

Sick, exaggerating son-of-a-bitch:

A complete record of Mr. Giuliani’s exposure to the site is not available for the chaotic six days after the attack, when he was a frequent visitor. But an exhaustively detailed account from his mayoral archive, revised after the events to account for last-minute changes on scheduled stops, does exist for the period of Sept. 17 to Dec. 16, 2001. It shows he was there for a total of 29 hours in those three months, often for short periods or to visit locations adjacent to the rubble. In that same period, many rescue and recovery workers put in daily 12-hour shifts.

So, maybe he misspoke last week? No:

And in September 2006, The Associated Press quoted him as saying of ground zero, “I spent as much time here as anyone,” and then adding, “I was here five, six times a day for four months. I kind of thought of it as living here.”

That kind of takes the whole, "What I meant was the initial 4 days..." argument. How does his office respond to this information? Like this:

“Hundreds of thousands of people around the country and the world saw Rudy Giuliani’s steadfast and determined leadership firsthand at a time when we needed it most,” the statement said. “In the days surrounding September 11th, the safety and health of all those involved in the search and recovery efforts was Mayor Giuliani’s No. 1 one priority. Make no mistake, it is the very same concern Mayor Giuliani continues to express today when it comes to all those who have made tremendous sacrifices at ground zero.”

For those of you who need a bullshit to English translation, it means (roughly), "Whoa, when the fuck did you start fact-checking shit?"

He is a bad, bad man. I don't care how much the media loves him, his story, his jackboots. I still maintain that there is no way he wins the nomination, and I personally intend to sit around with a great big bowl of popcorn as I watch him go down in flames.

Rudy

I must admit, I'm now interested in reading the FA piece he did. Kaplan's read it. He's not very impressed:

Rudy Giuliani's essay in the latest issue of Foreign Affairs, laying out his ideas for a new U.S. foreign policy, is one of the shallowest articles of its kind I've ever read. Had it been written for a freshman course on international relations, it would deserve at best a C-minus (with a concerned note to come see the professor as soon as possible). That it was written by a man who wants to be president—and who recently said that he understands the terrorist threat "better than anyone else running"—is either the stuff of high satire or cause to consider moving to, or out of, the country.

Now that's a lede! In fact, it's my second favorite ever lede about Rudy. This one is my favorite:

On 9/11, all Americans were frightened children, and in a moment of mythic personal heroism, Mayor Giuliani filled the gaping leadership void. The president looked like a petrified chimp; Cheney was spirited to an underground bunker. Only Giuliani could pull himself together sufficiently to get on TV in the midst of the wreckage and show America that a grown-up was still breathing. On that terrible day our reptile brains looked at Rudy Giuliani and said, "We're OK now. Daddy's home."

And we forgot, some for a moment, some permanently, that Daddy was psycho.

Anyway, back to Kaplan. He picks apart Rudy's piece by exerpting a section then ripping it to shreds. Perhaps not the most fair treatment, context and all that does matter sometimes, but it is very entertaining to read. And Kaplan really doesn't hold back:

"Constellations of satellites that can watch arms factories everywhere around the globe, day and night, above- and belowground ... must be part of America's arsenal."

Yes, and while we're at it, let's build anti-gravity machines, mind-reading robots, X-ray-vision telescopes, speed-of-light transporter-beams, time-travel kits, and intercontinental heat-seeking bullets. It's bad enough that so many foreigners believe in the omniscience of U.S. intelligence agencies; it's appalling that a presidential candidate seems to believe such sci-fi fantasies, too.

I'm going to read the FA piece in full. Somehow I don't think that Rudy is saved by context.

Rudy is emerging as a joke, a really dangerous joke, but a joke nonetheless. The more I hear, the more important it becomes to me to make sure this man never gets near the White House.

How do I hate Rudy?

Let me count the ways!

Speaking to reporters in Cincinnati, Giuliani said: "I was at ground zero as often, if not more, than most of the workers. ... I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I'm one of them."

It could be me, but as I remember it, as I was sitting in my apartment in Brooklyn breathing the stench that blew over from NYC for months after 9/11, or while I was walking from the subway to work, right past the smoldering site, I really don't recall seeing many pictures of Rudy in the pit digging. I do remember some speeches but, and please feel free to correct my faulty memory, I really don't recall the former Mayor pitching in much on the physical side of things. I cannot imagine what those workers went through in clearing up the site and I'd be embarrassed if anyone made any type of comparison between me and them (in a similar vein I get pissed when people talk about how heroic they were to go back to work downtown after the attacks). It takes hubris the size of Cleveland to proclaim yourself one of them because you occasionally went down there for some death tourism and a photo op.

"As often, if not more"?! Those guys worked 60-80 hour weeks down there for months. Jesus Rudy, who do you think you are? Wait, could he actually think he's... Jesus?

He's done enough to finish his campaign three times over already. How he is still campaigning is beyond me.

Shit like this is why I have such a back load in housing posts.

Rudy!

My oh my, Rudy's had a bad week now, hasn't he? Of course the ISG blow-off hasn't seemed to resonate as a big story, but man, running on 9/11 and having priorities (monetary at that!) that conflict with the most important policy group in the post-9/11 world? That doesn't look very good.

A part of me would like to see Bloomberg actually run just to see Rudy lose his goddamned mind.

Guiliani

Did Rudy really release something called "The 12 Commitments" today? Yes he did.

You'd think that a man with his marriage record would shy away from something titled "Commitment". That, or I guess he can claim that with 3 marriages, he's 25% of the way to 12. I don't know.

Oh, and can he please keep saying that the Democrats want to take the country back to the 1990's? Remember those days? Heady, optimistic, entrepreneurial, yeah, why would we want to go back to those dark days?

Maybe he doesn't want to run

In his heart of hearts, maybe Rudy doesn't want to really run for president. I understand that he really doesn't have a choice in announcing that he's pro-choice since he is and his record states that fairly convincingly. But still, to say it openly and honestly to the Republican base? Again, kudos for his honesty, too bad about his candidacy.