Boy, Cycling Sure is a Dirty Sport

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the Women's 100 meter dash in the 2000 Sydney Olympics... Marion Jones! Ekaterini Thanou! Um..

For the 2004 Summer Olympics, Thanou was one of the main hopes of the home crowd for winning an athletics medal. However, on the day prior to the opening ceremony, Thanou and her training partner Konstantinos Kenteris failed to attend a drugs test, and later the same night were hospitalised, claiming they had both been injured in a motorcycle accident. In the ensuing doping scandal, Kenteris and Thanou announced their withdrawal from the Games on August 18, after a hearing before the Disciplinary Commission of the IOC. An official Greek investigation into their alleged accident, ruled that it had been staged. Their coach Christos Tsekos was also suspended and was later caught with large amounts of steroids and other drugs in his possession.

Damn it! Scratch Thanou! Tanya Lawrence? Lawrence, anything? No? Good! For now, your 2000 Women's 100 Meter Dash champion, Jamaican Tanya Lawrence. WAIT, SHE'S FREAKIN' JAMAICAN? Oh Christ...